Five reasons why men are killing women in Guyana
By dennis Adonis-guyanaguardian-(Opinion) – About 24-years-ago, I can recall a particular incident involving a man who had murdered his wife, and was subsequently sent to prison on remand where he died after awaiting a High Court trial date for more than four years.
Prior to turning into a hated murderer, the man, Joey (not his real name), was a seasoned estate worker where he toiled interchangeably between the weeding gang, spray gang, and those planting the sugar cane.
As far as I can recall, this man would go home from the estate at around 1:30pm each weekday, and then head out again for the backdam at around 2:30pm to scavenge for mangoes and coconuts, before returning home again by 6pm, where he would sometimes tow buckets of water to full the barrels in the family yard.
On most days, this man would be so engulfed in work, that he seems to only stop up until around 10pm before he goes off to bed.
Yet he woke up again, each morning at 3am, prepare his work lunch, and then leave for the estate by 4:30am.
It was a routine that lasted for several years.
Throughout that time, his common-law wife had three children, all of which were rumoured to be “blow pickney” by Guyanese slang, (which meant that Joey was not the biological father of the children, even though he thought so).
While it was a rumour, it was public knowledge that two particular men would usually be languishing in Joey’s home with his wife on different days, and when he was at the estate or in the backdam.
But since the man kept no friends, and was only committed to his family, no one bothered to tell him anything.
However, as time progressed, the man somehow learned about his wife’s infidelity, and confronted her.
But each time she would deny it, and somehow the issue would go no further than a family quarrel which would usually become muted within minutes.
Thereafter, everything went back to normal for a few days, until Joey unexpectedly canceled a backdam trip and later went to the house of a village bachelor, where he waited and subsequently met his wife as she was leaving in the company of her male friend; – who quickly disappeared after Joey and his wife began to fight.
From that evening, fighting between the couple became a regular feature almost every week. But it was Joey who would often suffer the blows, and the one-day warning lock-up at the police station.
However, at about 3:30am one Thursday morning, the neighbourhood was aroused by another fight episode between the couple which quickly died down.
But when the sun rose about two hours later, neighbours were shocked to see Joey sitting in front of the family yard with a blood-soaked shirt on his back, while a bloodied knife lay a few feet away from him.
And upon investigation, their worst fears were confirmed.
The woman that he had once toiled for and taken care of lay dead with her throat slit on the living room floor of the deteriorating one-flat shack that they had called home.
Within minutes of the discovery, the police were called in, and quickly took Joey into custody, after securing the crime scene.
Facebook, local internet newsfeed, and smartphones were not around then, so everyone relied heavily on the newspapers and radio for information.
So two days later, when news of the murder was published, three copies of the newspaper back then was passed from house to house, since only certain people in the community use to buy newspapers.
The article painted a picture of a woman who had endured years of abuse at the hands of her husband.
Family members described the victim as peaceful, quiet and loving, while pressing that Joey was controlling, and did not allow her to go anywhere.
There were many other things that were written favourably of the victim, in so much that I was not sure that the newspaper was reporting the same incident that we had all know about.
To put it in a nutshell, the news report was trying to say that the woman did nothing wrong to Joey, who just woke up angry one morning and simply killed her.
The reality is that whenever most of the media houses in Guyana reports on an incident regarding injury to women or murder, they do not put the entire facts about the story for the public to better understand what may have caused the incident to occur in the first place.
Instead, the public is simply left to believe that the whole of Guyana is filled with a bunch of madmen, who are just bent on killing their innocent wives.
But if you are to take a more objective view of these murders, it would be reasonable to assume that a man would not ordinarily just look at someone that he loves or is married to and kill them off just like that.
Common sense and even the most complex parts of life’s logic does not support that.
Otherwise, Dr. Barry would have had a busy schedule each day.
Globally, close to fifty percent of the women that are murdered, are actually killed by their partners, ex-partners, or someone with whom they have or may have had some sort of close, intimate, or provoking relationship with.
And while the reasons can be varied, my conversations with people representing men who had murdered their partners, a few detectives, and two behavioral psychologists have helped me to better understand five of the core reasons why men are killing their wives, girlfriends, and side chicks in Guyana.
So, I will now happily share those five reasons with you.
# 1 – Infidelity (blow) – Most people would agree that Guyanese men are not a fan of taking “blow”, getting ‘horn”, being “cheated on” or whatever other word you want to use to describe a situation where another man is screwing another man’s wife, girlfriend or live-in partner.
Most detectives agree that more than half of the cases where women are murdered in Guyana can be attributed to allegations of infidelity.
For them, the signs are often obvious, and the murderer is usually not afraid to let you know that he did it.
But even though women in Guyanese society knows that having a committed partner, but still dealing with another on the side can lead to a gruesome ending, many of them are often willing to still pursue this lifestyle probably for the thrill, sexual gratification, emotional reliance, or the material benefits that come with it.
# 2 – Jab and move – A lot of women who are not inclined to work hard for their own would usually craft plans to grab a car, house lot, house, clothes, money, or some other extensive material benefit from a man sometimes (repeatedly) by causing him to believe that they are in a real relationship or that his commitment is necessary for their friendship to involve into a real relationship.
As a result, the man would deposit his money every week with the woman or go extreme lengths to help her to achieve her goals, and may sometimes get sexual gratification or other comforts for a short period of time.
But once, the woman would have achieved what she wants (often with the knowledge of the rest of her family members), she would create an issue to get the man off of her back or even involve the police while claiming harassment.
But for some men, giving a woman a motorcycle, a car, a house lot, a house, or large swaths of money cannot be compensated for by short-term sexual gratification.
Having a long-term relationship with the woman is often what matters, or what the man was expecting in the first place.
So from the moment a man realizes that he had built a woman up for the betterment (presumably) of another man and he has to be sidelined while being worst off, you can rest assure that some thoughts of murder would become an integral part of the various solutions that he might be cooking up to satisfy his anger.
#3 – Trick or treat – Some women who know that they have some sort of influence over the feelings of their ex-partner, will often lure him to believe that if he can make certain things right, then she would leave whoever she is with and go back with their ex.
Capitalizing on this, they would sometimes get the man busy running to find money to help pay for a house lot, buy furnishing for the home, help them pay off Courts, take care of a monstrous bill at GPL, pay off their UG fees, or deal with some other issue or multitude of issues that they and their new partner cannot take care of.
During that time, a man is usually allowed to touch, cuddle, fondle, and sometimes have sexual access to the woman who is pushing him to address her material needs.
Over time, once the man’s finances and efforts become exhausted, the woman would usually prefer to let the secret relationship go.
But since the ultimate goal of getting back his woman, child mother, ex, or old-time side chick has not been fulfilled, most men would begin to feel used and seriously violated.
In many researches, it has proven time and again, that a man often generates thoughts of killing someone who has seriously used and emotionally violate him.
Hence, it is often not surprising when you hear a man kills his ex, his child mother, or some other woman that he was trying to reconnect with.
#4 – The Delilah move – Most men would often put some of their most troubled secrets into the hearing of his wife, child mother, or trusted girlfriend.
Some of these secrets are so daring that it can often land a man in jail, destroy his life, or cause him to lose his job, among other things.
History has shown us that some of the most successful cases that the FBI has ever won, would not have been possible without the cooperation of a man’s wife, or his trusted girlfriend.
All of the information surrounding his weaknesses, health problems, his network, his tricks, cash-stash, and criminally accountable doings are often told to his woman, of course by him, or through her own observations.
So in many instances, there have been cases in Guyana where an angry woman would call the police and tell them where a man stashed his gun, his weed, or where his bad trails lead to.
In the end, the man is often faced with certain defeat.
But while this may be so, one of the worst things that a woman can do to a man is utilizing his secrets to sink him, or more or less betray him. Men despise betrayal, while women can tolerate it.
And for some men, anyone, especially a woman who lay with him and becomes a “snitch”, or whatever else you want to call it, can only be rewarded with the barrel of his gun.
Hence, it is not unusual for lawmen to miss the real culprits when a woman is murdered.
Because after all, it might have been a payback hit, that has nothing to do with the person that she is currently with.
# 5 – Stopping an escape to victory – In other cases, men would often kill a woman simply because she wants to leave him, probably because the marriage is not working, because of something he did, or even for someone else.
The reality in this is that some men see their wife (or girlfriend) leaving them as a severe disrespect to their pride, a gruesome injury to their manly ego, or the crucial loss of an integral part of their support base (whether monetary or otherwise).
And believing that they would find it too difficult to live a meaningful life without the escaping woman, some men would simply decide to take her life, and in most cases, try to take his own life too.
Of course in Guyana, we have witnessed a number of similar cases, with some men dying and others surviving their suicide attempt, after bringing their partner’s life to a cold end.
In every way, I will never support a man’s decision to hurt or kill a woman for any reason (unless of course she is trying to kill you like in the movie – Mr. And Mrs. Smith, or is a decoy wife like the one that tried to kill Arnold in Total Recall. Lol).
But on a serious note, men deal with a number of relationship situations differently, and often lack the power of restraint when certain things unravel before them.
Not all men have the guts like some of us to walk away from a cheating partner, or can tolerate the thought of being cheated on.
So at best, maybe it might be great if some of the organizations that fights for women’s rights can be real, and advise their women-folk that prevention is better than cure.
That is to say, they should be advised that it will not be smart to try any of the five things listed above to endanger themselves.
I think that will definitely be a fair and frank advise, that should not be ignored.
On the other hand, I want my men-folk to note that we as men need to take an oath not to hurt or injure our women-folk, regardless of the circumstances.
After all, they are the weaker vessel, and we ought to be the ones to protect them.
Walking away always work in every case. Ask Dennis Quaid